what is faith anyway?

What is this “faith” I’ve been told about? All these advocates scream at me “you gotta have faith” “just have a little faith” “you can do it, just have faith” I would like to know what this faith really is...cause they speak like faith is easy but when I am living it out... it sure feels like a struggle to me. 

Between crunching numbers, receiving phone calls and letters telling me how much I DON’T have and how much I still NEED. Life as I know it feels like a huge pit....and I fall and fall and fall...then by some grace only given by God himself I get on a ledge and it feels safe again. I set up camp, start relaxing, build a fire, prepare for a long stay and BOOM the ledge caves and i am falling again. Down, down, down to the deep abyss of life...It sounds so welcoming doesn’t it?

Finally I land on a sturdy ledge and my plans go through, I feel safe, my life is in order, I sit down to relax and think and I realize...this is boring! Where is the adventure? Where is the adrenaline rush of the unknown? Where is my adventure?? 

I realize that it is safer on the ledge, where I set up camp and have a secure plan, but it has no adventure. I long for that rush of emotion that 100% dependency on Jesus Christ to provide for my life, the freedom to do anything in the world and know that I am in Gods will, suddenly stopping somewhere to do a task for God and then I remember....faith.

“faith is the substance of things hoped for... the evidence of things not seen. for by it the elders obtained a good testimony...” 

“by faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain.....by faith Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death...... by faith Noah, BEING DIVINELY WARNED OF THINGS NOT YET SEEN, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark...by faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance...by faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed...” (Hebrews 11:1-17)

Faith is doing in the physical what God is showing you in the spiritual. Faith is evidence of things unseen...Faith is the foundation on which I stand and the reason why I live. Faith gives me a good testimony. Faith is why I jumped off my safe ledge and Faith is why I am free falling knowing full well I am terrified of heights. 

That my friend is Faith. Do you have it?

I don't like roller coasters. I am afraid of heights

Going home! I am beyond excited but wait... oh dear. There it is again! that same agitation to my roller coaster of emotion. one minute you're on top of the world and the next you're spinning loop-d-loops around who knows where! Then you hit a spot, look around, the view is fantastic and you know where you are. 

Oh how I am delighted by this opportunity to BE HOME! I am honored to be in North Carolina for the holidays and be with FAMILY.(this part of the roller coaster, I love! because it is safe and familiar! Full of memories and good times.) My brothers, sister, mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents and Mimi; all of whom dwell in my heart for eternity AND BEYOND (I hope you caught that quote). Right when I begin to get the giddy bubbles in my belly thinking about being back in NC, I remember... I have a family here now. I have memories, familiarity, adventure and I am going to miss it, oh bother! There it is again!! The loop-de-loops where you're upside down and you think the seat belt is coming off. oh but you have to remember dear friend, that all loops stop at some point!


Now here's the question, Will this roller coaster ever end? of course not ha! because you are eighteen years old and life is just beginning.. oh and that is another subject all together. The possibilities of life, the new steps taken, the adventure, the world at my finger tips! oh the glorious life ahead of me; I have made the ever so bold decision that life is good, even when it is hard. Even when I am stuck at the top of a broken roller coaster, or feeling nauseous from my fear of heights. Life is good. 


Life is good, because God is good and so I know, that although I feel I am on a roller coaster of emotions that just won't end, I know it will be okay because God is good and he conducts this roller coaster. I just have to trust Him and know that although I am afraid of roller coasters. "all things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose" (romans 8:28) I love him enough to continue the ride AND enjoy every minute of it. plus he makes amazing seat belts that keep me safe :) the perfect ride...for the most fearful passenger!