what is faith anyway?

What is this “faith” I’ve been told about? All these advocates scream at me “you gotta have faith” “just have a little faith” “you can do it, just have faith” I would like to know what this faith really is...cause they speak like faith is easy but when I am living it out... it sure feels like a struggle to me. 

Between crunching numbers, receiving phone calls and letters telling me how much I DON’T have and how much I still NEED. Life as I know it feels like a huge pit....and I fall and fall and fall...then by some grace only given by God himself I get on a ledge and it feels safe again. I set up camp, start relaxing, build a fire, prepare for a long stay and BOOM the ledge caves and i am falling again. Down, down, down to the deep abyss of life...It sounds so welcoming doesn’t it?

Finally I land on a sturdy ledge and my plans go through, I feel safe, my life is in order, I sit down to relax and think and I realize...this is boring! Where is the adventure? Where is the adrenaline rush of the unknown? Where is my adventure?? 

I realize that it is safer on the ledge, where I set up camp and have a secure plan, but it has no adventure. I long for that rush of emotion that 100% dependency on Jesus Christ to provide for my life, the freedom to do anything in the world and know that I am in Gods will, suddenly stopping somewhere to do a task for God and then I remember....faith.

“faith is the substance of things hoped for... the evidence of things not seen. for by it the elders obtained a good testimony...” 

“by faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain.....by faith Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death...... by faith Noah, BEING DIVINELY WARNED OF THINGS NOT YET SEEN, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark...by faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance...by faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed...” (Hebrews 11:1-17)

Faith is doing in the physical what God is showing you in the spiritual. Faith is evidence of things unseen...Faith is the foundation on which I stand and the reason why I live. Faith gives me a good testimony. Faith is why I jumped off my safe ledge and Faith is why I am free falling knowing full well I am terrified of heights. 

That my friend is Faith. Do you have it?

I don't like roller coasters. I am afraid of heights

Going home! I am beyond excited but wait... oh dear. There it is again! that same agitation to my roller coaster of emotion. one minute you're on top of the world and the next you're spinning loop-d-loops around who knows where! Then you hit a spot, look around, the view is fantastic and you know where you are. 

Oh how I am delighted by this opportunity to BE HOME! I am honored to be in North Carolina for the holidays and be with FAMILY.(this part of the roller coaster, I love! because it is safe and familiar! Full of memories and good times.) My brothers, sister, mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents and Mimi; all of whom dwell in my heart for eternity AND BEYOND (I hope you caught that quote). Right when I begin to get the giddy bubbles in my belly thinking about being back in NC, I remember... I have a family here now. I have memories, familiarity, adventure and I am going to miss it, oh bother! There it is again!! The loop-de-loops where you're upside down and you think the seat belt is coming off. oh but you have to remember dear friend, that all loops stop at some point!


Now here's the question, Will this roller coaster ever end? of course not ha! because you are eighteen years old and life is just beginning.. oh and that is another subject all together. The possibilities of life, the new steps taken, the adventure, the world at my finger tips! oh the glorious life ahead of me; I have made the ever so bold decision that life is good, even when it is hard. Even when I am stuck at the top of a broken roller coaster, or feeling nauseous from my fear of heights. Life is good. 


Life is good, because God is good and so I know, that although I feel I am on a roller coaster of emotions that just won't end, I know it will be okay because God is good and he conducts this roller coaster. I just have to trust Him and know that although I am afraid of roller coasters. "all things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose" (romans 8:28) I love him enough to continue the ride AND enjoy every minute of it. plus he makes amazing seat belts that keep me safe :) the perfect ride...for the most fearful passenger!

never never land

It has come to my attention that I zone out a lot, and while I admit that this is an accurate analysis I would love it if I could somehow express why it is that I go off in to " La La land". I only know how to do that one way and that is just give an example. I am a pretty straight forward person, I try to use tack when I speak to people so they don't get offended or hurt but sometimes I don't even know I have upset someone. Who knew you have to lie and pretend for people to feel safe around you. At least thats how it is in the south. If I tell you the truth you get hurt and talk about me behind my back or say "well bless your heart" which is southern talk for "you're such an idiot". What can I do to get the job done, the point across, the conversation going or keep life as we know it proceeding down this highway; which was once a one way curved road into this 5 lane freeway speeding my at 90 miles an hour???? and Then it hit me! seven accidents, and a total of 31 smashed cars in a two mile distance; I've got the answer! it's not worth your time adrienne! pull off of the stinking highway and stroll down easy street. It is so easy there! slow and the traffic doesn't bother you because everyone is just strolling through. I mean you don't get any of the highway perks like learning and growing to change the generation that you're in or making a mess to clean it up and find something more valuable than ever before possible.

wow this here blog (using my southern friends dialect) has more rabbit trails and set ups for future discussions than denominational arguments!! (not knocking on the church, I love them) 

well the whole purpose of the blog has been laid out....how I go off into "La La land" this sure was fun! haha

Lies Straight from Lucifers mouth

Adrienne: “what’s wrong sol, are you okay?” 

Sol: (my mexican room mate who is learning english and is such a quick learner) “You see? (show’s me and Kayla a scar on her wrist) “Suicide.....Suicide....One year ago.” 

Adrienne: “are you lying to me?” 

I know what you’re thinking...Why would you ask that right after someone just opened up to you, making themselves extremely vulnerable and telling you their past secrets! Well you see, Sol has a tendency to tell me things and they be “jokes”. I personally believe they are terribly funny because she gets you worked up and then what can you do but laugh with her? she got you! don’t get mad, laugh back! Alas that is my personality, because life is good and I intend to make it good in every situation. now.... my other room mate Kayla....Doesnt like Sol’s form of humor. 

Kalya: “Sol, why did you try and commit suicide?” 

Sol: (with a pretty nasty Scar on her wrist) “A lot of things happened, I was really sad and everything was going wrong. And I just decide to end it. I decide to end... I decide that would be best. 

Kayla: “who stopped you?”

Sol: “my mom caught me. she came into my room and the doctors.......(Huge smile on her face) IT’S A LIE”

NOW STOP BEFORE YOU GET OFFENDED 

I know suicide is a very serious topic, and it happens to be extremely high in teens of this generation. So no it is not something to joke about in a public place. We were in the comfort of our little apartment and no one in the apartment struggles with that. so laughing is appropriate i promise.

I cracked up! are you kidding me such a jerk move! I love it who would have thought that evil plot would come out of that sweet innocent little mind? she is so little and cute I had no idea she had the mind of a monstrous giant. Oh but she does and it is so much fun! thank you sol for bringing this joy to my day. I love you!!!

Don't worry

Older and all the more wiser, is exactly right. Not in every case mind you, there are some nut jobs out there and there are older people that let fear guide their judgment but in a lot of cases (especially here at CFNI)it proves true. When the older, and all the more wiser, speak; you listen and you listen with open ears. It may contradict what you believe about a subject (certainly do not change your view on Believing in God.) and if it does differ from what you once thought...CONSIDER IT! They are the ones that have lived life and been there done that and bought all the tee-shirts you haven’t even imagined yet. weighed the pros and cons, what if what they are saying can prevent you unnecessary pain and hurt? Todays guest speaker was incredible and gave me an excitement for being here at school that had dwindled down to a pitiful burden of owing money. Trust in God, if you are doing his will and seeking him daily then you have nothing to worry about and you shouldn’t be worrying. new look on life: Don’t worry

Was It really that easy?

Leaving was easy. Missing is the hard part. How can you influence someone from 1,000 miles away? How can you be sure they are safe? How can you make sure they remember you? How can you make sure they know you love them? many questions; It is said asking questions is signs of higher intelligence. I’m not quite sure that it is a higher level of intelligence or a higher level of ignorance. Yet, there is a comfort in knowing the God of the universe has me in his hands and loves me through all my questions and revelations. I guess that means I should be comforted in knowing that they are safe in his hands too; If He is close enough to them to know the number of hairs on their head, then he must have them in his protection. He must know that I love them because if I love them He Loves them so much more. It is hard sometimes and it hurts but I can make it. 

I don't want to sound selfish as if it is all about me and how I feel about things but you see. This is my blog for the day. so you'll have to deal :) Yes, leaving was easy, and the distance is hard, but I know I will see them again.